Part 1

*in a small, cramped room, lit only by a cliche lightbulb hanging by an even more cliche cord, Mr. Guido sits in a chair. Several figures are in the periphery, but keep to the shadows. One steps out. It is Gonick.*

Gonick: Surely you know why you are here, Mr. Guido.

Guido: Yeah. I'm here because I lost.

Gonick: Indeed. But you seem to be under a mistaken impression. You did not lose when you were captured. Nor when your fleets were destroyed. You lost when you decided to attack us.

*Gonick returns to the shadows, Edward Saganami steps out*

Saganami: You were far too greedy. With all of the plundering, children on our homeworlds would go for days without lime flavored Tostitos. They had to make do with regular. And for that, you should burn.

Guido: Surely you don't expect me to know of your internal memes?!

*Saganami returns to the edges, Princess Emma steps out, but says nothing. The rather unique looking multi-pronged blade's glinting says more than words ever could*

Guido: *gulp*

*To Mr. Guido's relief, she is soon replaced by Dagobah.*

Dagobah: You have been charged with high crimes against the Neo Timberwolves. A special tribunal has found you guilty, and the sentence is yet to be determined. I've heard they're planning something 'special' for you.

*Dagobah is joined by Emperor Marcus*

Marcus: Your ships were powerful, indeed. But you lacked in basic strategy. You became the bear to our proverbial wolfpack. If you recall the math, you will see where you erred.

Guido: Do you expect me to play the human battle calculator for you?

Marcus: No, Mr. Guido. We expect you to die.

*An oubliette opens beneath Guido's chair, and both it and him fall in. After a period of silence, a splash is heard from below.*

Dagobah, to the hole: And don't call him Shirley.

Audio Tour (Part 1)