April 1st Edition

in a small, cramped room, lit only by a cliche lightbulb hanging by an even more cliche cord, Mr. Guido sits in a chair. Several figures are in the periphery, but keep to the shadows. One steps out. It is Gonick.*

Gonick: Surely you know why you are here, Mr. Guido.

Guido: Yeah. I'm here because I lost.

Gonick: Indeed. But you seem to be under a mistaken impression. You did not lose when you were captured. Nor when your fleets were destroyed. You lost when you decided to attack us.

*Gonick returns to the shadows, Edward Saganami steps out*

Saganami: You were far too greedy. With all of the plundering, children on our homeworlds would go for days without lime flavored Tostitos. They had to make do with regular. And for that, you should burn.

Guido: Surely you don't expect me to know of your internal memes?!

*Saganami returns to the edges, Princess Emma steps out, but says nothing. The rather unique looking multi-pronged blade's glinting says more than words ever could*

Guido: *gulp*

*To Mr. Guido's relief, she is soon replaced by Dagobah.*

Dagobah: You have been charged with high crimes against the Neo Timberwolves. A special tribunal has found you guilty, and the sentence is yet to be determined. I've heard they're planning something 'special' for you.

*a temporal vortex opens, and Emma steps out*

Dagobah: AAAAAAAHHHHH!

Marcus: Damn, that's harsh. Godspeed, man. *over PA system* "Fresh pants in the oubliette room."

*the second Emma pulls out a lasgun and shoots Guido between the eyes*

Emma 2: What? I had to do that! He's a Sith Lord named Darth Stylus who was going to escape to his Star Forge and derb half our fleet.

Gonick: Huh. Nicely done, then. You should make out with yourself! We can videotape it and be rich!

*Emma and Emma 2 shoot Gonick a look that by all rights should have incinerated him*

Gonick, sweating bullets: Or, ya know, not....

Saganami: So, what now?

Gonick: Perhaps a massage?

Marcus: Sounds good. Emma 2 here can tell us some winning lottery numbers.

Emma 2: Yep, got 'em right here.

Gonick: That was my idea, right?

Emma 2: Well duh, Gonick. It is your job to point out literary cliches and poke the fourth wall.

Gonick: Huh?

Emma 2: Never mind.

Saganami: I feel a disturbance. As if many unresolved plot threads suddenly cried out, and were silenced.

Mad Mick: I think Saganami here needs some rum and a happy ending to his massage, if ya know what I mean.

Gonick: Quick! To the Freyja! God speed!

*scene ends?*